Shirley drove the car into the driveway of her home, turned off the engine, and sat for a while, looking at the outside of the building she had spent so many years improving while wishing to escape from it. It had been a month since she’d been here last (oh, she’d seen the girls regularly and even met up with Peter from time to time, but all at her mother’s house or somewhere in town) and soon she would be leaving it properly. It was an odd feeling, especially as there were so many good memories tied up in the place. She got out the car and rang the doorbell. She had her own key still, of course, but somehow it seemed more polite when she was only coming here with the status of visitor.

The door was opened by Peter whose shock at seeing her standing there was quickly masked by a hopeful look. Her heart sank, she wasn’t looking forward to having to dash his hopes, but at the same time she had to think of herself now. She’d been tiptoeing around other people’s feelings and needs at the expense of her own for too long. If she didn’t do this now, then she never would.

“Shirley! I didn’t expect you, I’m afraid the house is in a bit of a mess, I’d have tidied if I’d known.” Peter looked sheepish.

Shirley glanced around as she entered into the hallway. He wasn’t kidding. Shoes, coats, bags were scattered about rather than placed neatly in the closet. It didn’t look as if it had been dusted or vacuumed since last she’d done it. Oh well, he was going to have to learn about keeping house by himself and make his own mistakes. She wasn’t going to be able to do everything for them anymore.

“So I can see. You know, you could probably afford a cleaner or draw up a rota for yourself and the girls to all contribute to the upkeep of the house. It wouldn’t take much to maintain if you all did a little each day.”

Peter’s face fell. “So you’re not coming back then?”

“Well, it’s about time you all pulled your weight regardless, you’ve all got too used to me doing everything for you, but no, I’m not coming back, at least not for now. I’ve just popped over to pick up some things. I’m going away for three months on a cruise.”

“You’re what?! We can’t afford that!” Peter was aghast. “You can’t just take the money for a cruise out of our account without even consulting me.”

“Well, I could, Peter. It’s a joint account and I put as much effort into this household as you have. I think you’ll find I have a lot more rights than you think. However, I didn’t take the money for a cruise. I applied for a job on one. It’s only an administrator/receptionist role and I don’t get great pay, but I do get to go around the world for three months with free accommodation and enough shore leave to make it worthwhile. I did have to take some money out to get some suitable work and interview clothing, but I was quite frugal and it won’t financially cripple you.” Shirley felt herself getting cross, but forced herself to stay calm and reasonable while she spoke.

“But… you can’t go away for three months! Your children need you! We need you back home, here where you belong.” His voice was almost a whine.

“OUR children also need their father and it’s high time he spent some quality time with them and got to know them better. They’re big girls now and it’s only three months I’ll be away. I only got a temporary contract to see how I liked the job and if they liked me. After that, we’ll see.”

“I don’t know why they hired you, you haven’t got any current work experience or references, you’ve just stayed at home for years. That can’t qualify you for much,” he said petulantly.

She lost her temper, “and why was it I stayed at home for years, Peter? Because you told me I had to, that’s why.”

“It was the best thing for the girls,” he said defensively.

“As soon as they were both in full time education there was plenty of time for me to get a job and not affect them negatively in any way, yet you still insisted I stayed at home. Far better that I was bored out of my mind than not be at your beck and call for one nanosecond. Now I’m doing something for myself for once and you don’t like it, well tough.” She calmed down a little, “I was as surprised as you that they took me on, but I interviewed well and passed all their tests with flying colours. It seems that previously housebound mothers aren’t as unemployable as you would think. I had some good references from people I worked with on school committees and that was good enough.”

“So that’s it? That’s the end? We’re getting a divorce?”

“I’ll be away for three months. When I come back … we’ll see. Maybe we could go for counselling or something, or maybe we should just make a clean break. I’ve a lot to think about while I’m away.”

Peter looked resigned but pale. “Well, you’d better go get what you need. Give me a shout if you want a hand to take things to the car. I’ll be in the living room.”

“Are Michelle and Clare here? I’d like to explain to them what’s going on if I can.”

“They’re out at some friend’s house at the moment. You could leave a note and I’ll make sure they get it, or give them a phone call tonight?”

“I’ll try and pop in early tomorrow morning and see if I can catch them in before they leave for school, if that’s all right with you? I would like to be able to tell them in person and reassure them a bit. It’s been a tough time for them.”

“Do what you like.” Peter waved dismissively and walked into the living room.

Shirley sighed, determined not to let him get to her, and climbed the stairs into their bedroom.

Telling Daniel that she was leaving had been such a different experience. Despite him admitting that he was going to miss her, he was thrilled that she was going to do something she had always dreamed of. He had teased her about how they’d first met and now she was going to work for the very cruise company whose brochure she had been browsing through on that second meeting in the caf?. He was right though, it did seem rather surreal when you looked at it like that. He’d then popped out and returned with a World Travel Guide book.

“Well, I don’t want you to get lost on your way back,” he’d said.

She had laughed. “I don’t know what to say. It’s brilliant.” She had flipped through some of the glossy pages, marvelling at all the sights and wonders, thrilled that she was about to see them for real rather than just on a printed page.

“Will you get to see much off ship? What’s the shore leave like?”

“It’s okay. Not great. The passengers don’t get long in any particular port anyway, so the crew get even less. I can volunteer to accompany tours with passengers though as a liaison for the ship which gets me extra time to explore, plus I get the tour free of course. It’s far better than I’d ever be able to afford to do on my own though, so it’s good enough for me.”

He had grinned at her and held out his hand. “Well, Mrs Marks. I would like to say that it’s been a pleasure to know you and enjoy your company. I very much hope that I’ll be seeing you soon in the not so distant future.”

Laughing, she had returned his formal handshake. “Thank you, Daniel. For everything. I’ve got a lot of growing up to do on this trip, need to figure many things out. Whatever happens though, you’ll always be a very special friend to me.”

She smiled at the memory of that last day and pulled out a large suitcase from a cupboard, laid it out on the bed and opened her wardrobe. Most of her clothes weren’t really suitable, but she could make do with some of them. She also packed all her makeup, some pieces of jewellery and a few sentimental bits and pieces including a framed photo of her daughters. It was odd, but when it came down to it, there were precious few things that she actually needed. All her energies over the years had been put into making their home nice and welcoming, but there were very few personal items of her own in there. She found herself wondering fleetingly whether she really would genuinely be missed here. Of course, they’d find it inconvenient having to do more things for themselves, but her personally?

Oh don’t be silly Shirley, she told herself, of course they’ll miss you, and you’ll miss them too. It’s not the house or things you’ll miss, they’re not important in the grand scheme of things. Maybe you’ll come back eventually, maybe you won’t, but at least you’ll have gone for your dreams, and what better example could she give her two children?

She closed the suitcase easily, locked it and walked down the stairs to find Peter to let him know she was leaving. He was sitting in front of the television, watching some Sunday afternoon cowboy film. “Right, that’s everything I need for the moment.”

He looked up. “So, you’re off then?”

“Yep, this is it. I have to leave for Southampton by midday tomorrow. I probably won’t be able to call very often, but I will try and telephone as often as I can to see how you all are.” She smiled.

“I’m sorry, you know.” Peter said. “About … all of this. I know it’s my fault you’re going away.”

“It is and it isn’t. Even without the affair, I should have put more focus on my needs much earlier than I did. I couldn’t stand being cooped up here all day and every day, I needed something outside of myself. I never was much of a hobby person. It wasn’t until now that I got the push I needed to do something about it.”

“I’ll miss you. I already do miss you.”

“I know.”

“Anyway, take care of yourself. Be safe.”

“I will. Goodbye.”

Shirley walked out of the door and on to a new life.