I’m currently in the process of working through the Barefoot Doctor’s Handbook for the Urban Warrior: Spiritual Survival Guide. It’s a fairly basic look at taoism, written in a very accessible readable style and it’s giving me a lot to think about at the moment. A lot of the philosophy isn’t new to me – I dabbled a bit in Tai Chi a little while back but although I really enjoyed it, I found it hard to find the time every day to keep it up. Many of the explanations you read and think “somehow I always knew that”, other concepts such as “centering” and “sinking” (grounding?) are very familiar from my previous explorations of paganism. The book is a good mix of explanation and mental exercises so it’s not so much about learning as doing and being.

The section I’m working on the moment is an exercise of awareness of the three tantiens (and I so hope I’ve spelled that right, as the book is upstairs at the moment!) – the one just below your navel which represents your physical power, the one near your heart which represents (unsurprisingly) love/compassion etc, and the one between your eyes which is mental awareness. I’m finding it difficult, but also satisfying – I very much live in my head most of the time with a tendency to overthink things and worry, leaving my other two tantiens fairly undeveloped (closed?). I’m already seeing quite a few benefits in my life for being more aware of those other parts of me.

I wonder how many people go through life, focussed on only one area – do you? Are you currently living in your head, your heart or your body? Discuss!

a train

Happy Yule to you all. Yes, it’s good news for SAD sufferers and those of us that just hate the dark nights of winter – from here on in, it gets lighter.

Although the solstice is technically today this year, I had a low key “celebration” yesterday instead – partly out of habit and partly because it’s easier to do a full roast with all the trimmings on a Sunday when there’s someone about to entertain Akra Jr! Last year, I didn’t decorate until the 21st to make the day feel more special, but I succumbed to the lure of a proper Christmas tree much earlier this year. However, as I mentioned yesterday, we did have quite a Christmassy and fun day so all was good.

I feel like I ought to do more to mark the occasion today – like go on a nature walk with Akra Jr or something, but I’m feeling feeble and just want to huddle in the warmth and stuff my face. Then again, that’s probably a fairly “traditional” way of celebrating the solstice! So, have fun eating, drinking and being merry whether it’s by a roaring fire or a slightly less picturesque roaring radiator. You’re in good company!

Yesterday, I mentioned the ReligiousTolerance.org website and I wanted to give some space to recommending this valuable resource.

It has detailed descriptions of every religion I’ve ever heard of, essays from every viewpoint on various hot topics, calendars listing all holy days in a given month, news roundups of incidents of religious tolerance and intolerance, and the best description of what religious tolerance is (and more importantly, isn’t) that I’ve ever seen.

Today, I was going to write about about the misconceptions of what religious tolerance is, but as they’ve already written an excellent definition it seemed more sensible just to point you in their direction.

Sylvia sent me a very interesting article today and gave me strict orders to write about it.

The article is a review of David Limbaugh’s latest book – Persecution: How Liberals Are Waging War Against Christianity. It contains disturbing tales of how children have been discriminated against for their beliefs, including how children have been humiliated and reprimanded for praying before meals.

I find religious intolerance of all persuasions sickening, and my heart goes out to all those children, but I find the article almost as difficult to read. The underlying implication is that religious intolerance is only unacceptable if against Christianity. A quick visit to the American Civil Liberties Union or Religious Tolerance.org will bring up far more violations of religious liberty against non-christian faiths and atheists. The paragraph that makes me most angry and disgusted is this:

In New York City, the chancellor of the Department of Education prohibited the display of Nativity scenes in public schools, while expressly allowing the Jewish menorah and the Islamic star and crescent to be displayed. Some would say that was overkill inasmuch as New York City is already the home of the world’s largest public display built in commemoration of Islam: Ground Zero.

While I agree, if you are going to allow one display of faith, then you should allow all displays of faith, this is as much a blatant display of religious intolerance and disrespect to the people of all faiths who died that day. To compare a small group of extreme fundamentalists to the whole of Islam is as offensive as it would be for me to declare that Jerry Falwell is representative of the World’s Christians. That paragraph was the point where my sympathies were lost irretrievably.

Perhaps, both the author of the article and the author of the book would both do well to remember their role model, Jesus Christ of the “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you” [Matthew 7:120] fame. He reportedly had great tolerance for many people (Samaritans, the disabled, children, women) but little tolerance for the dogmatic officiators of his own religion (the Pharisees). They might do well to emulate Him…

My druidry course (well, the introductory “see if you like it” part) arrived yesterday and it looks really good – I’m very much looking forward to getting started on it even though it’s likely to take years. It seems to have a good emphasis on the experiential which is encouraging. Also, on completion I can use the credits towards a distance learning degree if I so choose.

However, it occurs to me that those of my readers who haven’t had much contact with anything pagany may wonder why on earth I would want to go this route. Am I nuts? What is it that draws me to paganism in general and druidry in particular? I’m not sure if I can really explain it completely in words and probably not in a satisfactory manner to the “she’s nuts” camp, but I’m going to give it a go anyway.

To get an idea, borrow a young child. Don’t worry, not for long – just for an hour or so. You can give them back after the fun bit (here, borrow mine!) Take them for a walk around. I guarantee that after about 5 paces, 10 at most, you will have stopped to have a closer look at a leaf, or a dandelion clock or to stamp in a puddle. After the age of about 7 years old, we don’t seem to have time or want to bother to squeal with delight when we see a snail, let it crawl across our hand and watch intently at the feelers telescope in on themselves when they touch your skin. After all, we know what they look like, don’t we? Recapturing that child-like wonder at the world around us is an amazing experience – you very quickly realise how little you know about the world around you.

It’s more than that of course. It’s finding connection with the world around us. It’s about learning to live with the rhythms of the day, month, year instead of constantly fighting against them. It’s feeling the spirit of a place and working together. It’s listening to the trees grow. Just those few hours in Kelsey Park helped to show me that it was possible, even for a diehard city dweller like me. Not only that, but despite the fact I love centrally heated, double glazed cocoons, this path continually draws me to it, even when I try very hard to ignore its calling.

I know there’s a lot more to druidry than that but I think that’s the part for me that’s easiest to explain. Of course, I don’t know enough about it yet, that’s why I’m doing the course after all.

Since Akra started working away from home and I knew we’d be moving house, I’ve felt somewhat in limbo. I haven’t really made any plans, didn’t want to commit to anything, put everything on hold for that distant “when we’ve moved” date.

Now, all of a sudden, the move date is not that distant any more. As a result, my brain has gone nuts and come up with all these plans and projects that I really really want to do. That might sound a good thing, but I’m not very good at seeing things through and the amount of things I want to achieve just isn’t feasible with the amount of time I have. I need to narrow my focus, but at the same time I’m loathe to drop a single one of my plans. I’m doomed.

I’m enjoying messing around with photos at the moment. I know I’m a dismal photographer and I think half of that is I’ve never bothered to take any pictures other than family snaps. It’s something I’d like to have some fun with and I’m happy enough to just reach a level of “fairly competent” rather than achieve any brilliance. I think I’ve mentioned it before, but the 26 Things – the International Photographic Scavenger Hunt that starts tomorrow really appeals.

I’m getting itchy fingers – I want to get writing. I’ve proved to myself that I can make a consistent commitment to daily writing with this blog and actually enjoy myself too. I’ve been doing a Writer’s Bureau course for a little while now but was put on hold until after The Big Move[tm]. However, that’s mainly focussed (at the moment) on non-fiction articles and suchlike, which I’m finding a little tedious, so the motivation isn’t quite there. I do want to complete it, though, and it probably won’t take long to get to a more interesting module.

I also like the idea of the National Novel Writing Month which takes place in November. The idea being that you write a 50,000 word novel in just 30 days – going for quantity over quality of course. I just like the idea that I could say “hey, I’ve written a novel – yes it’s utter utter tripe, but it’s written by me all the same.” According to the FAQ, you can do preparation work before November – just no actual writing of the book until then. Ideally I should be spending the next couple of months looking at genre research, characterisation and plotting. Eeep – that works out at about 1700 words a day. That’s a lot. Could I do it? Maybe. Maybe not. Do I want to try anyway? Hell, yes!

Then I’d like to do some more navel-gazing soul-searching. There’s a druidry course that I’ve been looking at and wondering whether to do. The more I look into this path, the more it feels right, and I’m really drawn to this course as something more tangible and committed (or maybe it’s me that needs committing… dunno). I have been faffing around on such a superficial level for so long, maybe it’s about time I did something about that. At the same time, I don’t want it to end up as being the whole focus of my existence. How to give more time without crowding everything else out?

Also, there’s the piano that’s been untouched for years, the half-formed idea of doing a psychology A-level as an evening course, the ever-expanding reading list, the so far unfulfilled determination to exercise more…

… I think you get the drift. I need about 20 more hours in my day.

Today was Father’s Day. I didn’t send mine a card.

No, I’m not evil or vindictive (at least not in that) – he passed away just under seven years ago. I never really knew what to get him on Father’s Day. Always ended up getting him something pretty useless as there was nothing he really needed or wanted. It’s not that he had everything, just that “things” weren’t really important to him.

There’s no grave for me to visit. Probably just as well as I’d only end up feeling guilty that I didn’t visit it or if it was overgrown. His ashes are spread over the waters of a bay somewhere in Wales (there’s a funny story about that, basically involving the fact that my mum forgot waves flowed back towards the shore…) so no visiting opportunities there, but that’s okay.

It’s hard to explain, but I saw his body shortly after he died, and I can categorically say that by that point he wasn’t really there any more, it wasn’t him. Whatever “essence” that made him Daddy had left – the phrase “dearly departed” makes more sense to me – because that’s exactly it… they’re departed.

So. Happy Father’s Day, Daddy. You haven’t missed much – I’d have only got you a crappy card and maybe a bottle of plonk from the nearest offy…

There’s rather a nice little anecdote over on A Life Uncommon at the moment about how a small complement can really make someone’s day. It shouldn’t really be a great surprise – even before I’d heard of the concept of karma or the law of threefold return I’d always had a little pet theory about sending out a random smile might just trigger a series of events that meant several people had a lot better day as a result*.

I had a bit of a bizarre email day today. Bear with me, it is all related. The first was in response to a complaint email (where I was not rude in the slightest) where I hoped that it would actually help out someone (I cc’d them in so they knew what was going on). In response I got nothing from the company I complained to, but an email of complete vitriol from the person I cc’d it to (who as it turned out, hadn’t actually bothered to read what I’d written, not that I got an apology afterwards, just more vitriol). I had to pop out in the afternoon, but to say that I was a bit pissed off and was ready for full bloggy rant mode is an understatement.

It was a nice afternoon walking through the park to the post office. A few people smiled at Akra Jr in his Tigger hat which I only half registered because inwardly I was still fuming (but had gotten past the “okay, did I do something wrong?” to the “what a complete arsehole” stage). Then the clerk at the post office was really friendly and helpful, saw I was struggling to keep Akra Jr amused and filled the proof of posting form out for me (normally you have to fill them out, in our branch at least, then they stamp them) and was beyond call of duty smiley. Later, on the walk home, I shared a big grin with a bloke when we did the “avert pavement collision” dance. Two minor things in the scheme of things, but they helped me restore my faith in human nature as basically friendly and nice.

Then my second bizarre email. One responding to a newsgroup posting I had written over a year ago. Obviously the person had done a google search but not noticed that the date was 2002 not 2003. It was a “putting me straight” sort of email and it was from someone that I rather admire. It was rather satisfying writing back explaining I had actually changed my views since then and could I take the opportunity to thank her for the help she’d given me indirectly in the past. She hasn’t replied, but I hope I made a difference in her day and I’m glad that I didn’t let the previous email colour my attitude towards the rest of mine.

*Yes, I do know karma and law of threefold return basically means that it comes back to you and I don’t dispute that – but just exploring the general philosophical idea that things sent out can multiply beyond the initial event.

I’m making the most of the good weather this morning and getting down and dirty with my flower beds … yes the joys of weeding.

Actually, although I spend ages putting off the task, I find weeding rather enjoyable. I usually leave it until the weeds have reached jungle proportions so it’s quite a physical job. So there I am, out in the quiet of the morning, ripping up weeds, listening to birds singing their hearts out, drinking in the smell of freshly turned earth. A time of contemplation, I feel far closer to the divine out here than I ever did having a “quiet time” of bible study and prayer.

Two books come to mind as I clear the way for my plants to breathe again. The first is Anne of Green Gables. I can’t remember the exact quote but there’s a part where the young Anne explains that she can’t understand why people go inside into a dark gloomy church to pray. If she wanted to pray to God she would go into a field and throw up her arms to the sky in praise. That’s a little how I felt this morning.

The second book is The Secret Garden. I am not a good gardener. I don’t really know what I’m doing. However, there’s something almost primal, a longing for a “patch of earth of my own” just like little Mary Lennox, and watching things grow that at first looked lifeless is a special kind of magic. There’s memories of my childhood mixed up in all that (hence the book choices, I guess) – the scent of earth reminding me of mum and dad digging up potatoes and sieving the earth. The delight I felt in finding an old glass marble inside the sieve – previously lost for a couple of generations. Fighting the birds for the first fresh raspberries (and losing!)

As I said, I’m not a great gardener, but I am proud of what I’ve achieved with the overgrown wilderness that was here when we moved in. I’ve tidied it up considerably. My biggest thrill was planting a raised bed full of cotton lavendar – I couldn’t afford much so picture 23 tiny little one-inch diameter plants looking completely lost in a huge flowerbed. I was terrified that I was going to kill them off and even at that size they’d cost so much. Today, one year later, with a mix of nuture and neglect they’ve flourished and there’s not a single gap between them.

I’ll miss this garden when we move.

Well I did get to do some outdoorsy stuff yesterday after all. The rain had stopped by the time I went to pick up Akra Jr, and it was pleasant enough to let him walk home. He decided that he wanted to reach all the trees, so I obliged by lifting him up to touch any with low hanging branches. I even taught him how to blow dandelion puff balls (good practise for his candles on Tuesday!).

Was less of a “one with nature” experience though when he decided to start stamping on ants. I tried to tell him that it was wrong to kill them then remembered all the ants I boiled with hot water last summer (they were nesting in the patio). Oh well, parent hypocrisy strikes again. Was a fitting start to the season anyway (the dandelion and tree bits, not the ant massacre).

Today it is raining again, nice to see that you can always rely on the good ol’ British summer…