I’ve got a lot of things bombing around my head at the moment, all vying for equal attention. As I’ve mentioned in the previous post, I may (or may not) be coming up for grading soon in the martial art I’m learning. I’ve been doing some extra training to try and gain some focus and get me up to speed.

At the same time, I’ve just started an awesome creative writing class called The Discovery Wonkshop led by Lani Diane Rich over at StoryWonk. It’s all geared around the pre-writing discovery process of writing a novel and even after only one class has kicked my brain into creative mode.

Our first assignment is to create a soundtrack for our story, so I have been spending the last couple of evenings with Spotify, Last.fm and a bottle of wine (as Lani says, “Best Homework EVER!”). I have spent a ridiculous amount of money on iTunes and somehow seem to have ended up with 6 hours of music in my soundtrack. I might need to prune a little.

All good, and all very exciting. Except I’ve just realised that it’s my martial arts class tonight so I need to flip back out of ‘daydreamy plot mode’ back into ‘fighting mode’ and in between find my ‘competent parent mojo’. I think my lead character is going to end up with a split-personality disorder.

Send help. Send chocolate.

… not quite got the “fast as lightning” bit down yet, though!

I’ve now been going to kung fu for coming up to four months. If anything, I’m coming home after class even more psyched and enthusiastic that I was when I started. I am making clear progress (though every week I find new challenges and my understanding of just how much I don’t know/can’t do expands exponentially the more I learn). I haven’t come home as bruised since that one time, but ice packs are still the best invention ever.

What’s interesting, though, is how much martial arts are permeating other aspects of my life. Some, are not totally unexpected. I’ve been working hard on my upper body strength training just to keep up in class; when I started out I could only manage about 2 push-ups, I can now get up to around 12 before my form goes a bit awry and regularly do around 50 in sets of 10. I bought a chin-up bar and couldn’t even get an inch off the ground, I can now do 7 with a minute’s rest in between. The subtle benefits in life of being that little bit stronger and fitter are definitely a major perk.

I’m becoming quite nicely toned and my body confidence and self-esteem are probably at the highest they’ve ever been. I’m walking taller, sitting straighter and have had far less back problems as a result. I’m particularly interested to see how well I cope with the winter blues this year – will the extra adrenaline and endorphins help combat SAD?

An unexpected bonus has been the way I’m starting to deal with irrational fears. I’ve found that “oh fgs, if you can do kung fu then you can cope with… a spider/the dark/awkward social event/looking like a twunt” is a fine motto, suitable for all sorts of circumstances. Still working on the less irrational fears though: I’ve got another grading coming up, but I’m bottling it on one aspect of the test – still not quite certain whether I should feel the fear and get on with it, or just see it as a sign that I’m not ready yet.

Not bad for something I pretty much started on a whim.

I think I’m beginning to understand know why there aren’t more women in martial arts. I’ve been going for just under two months now and have got past the initial burst of enthusiasm and have hit the long slog. It’s demanding – requiring more from me physically and mentally than anything else I’ve ever tried to do, and I suck. I can’t remember the last time I even allowed myself to suck at anything without just giving up and trying something else.

By far the hardest part though, is dealing with injuries, specifically bruising. Not the actual soreness or how long it takes to heal (after all, when I twisted my knee doing a step lunge during an aerobic workout hurt far more and still gives me occasional twinges now, months later) but rather other people’s reactions to that bruising.

The last class I had was a particularly tough one and the bruises fairly spectacular. I’ve had worse bruising from training before (no haematomas this time, yay!) but not quite so extensive or so obvious (last time was still long-sleeve weather and so were well hidden from the casual observer). I really wasn’t prepared for the amount of negative response I’ve had to this, to the point of several people telling me I should quit martial arts.

I haven’t really known how to react to these comments properly. I was already feeling disappointed with my performance in that particular class and to be honest, the criticism of my choice of activities immediately put me on the defensive. I have chosen to react flippantly, laugh it off… “oh these… they’re nothing”, but damnit, they’re not nothing and I am putting myself down each time I say it. It’s true that they don’t hurt much now, but yes it hurt getting them. They’re a badge of honour, I earned every single damn bruise on my arm and each one represents a hard-earned lesson. If I had come off my bike and got scraped up a bit, would people be demanding I stop cycling? Should I stop aerobic exercise because I twisted my knee once?

If I’m honest with myself, I am far more angry with my own response than the criticism itself. By brushing them off as insignificant then later I feel unable to say “actually, I’m really struggling with this class” out of fear it would give my critics more ammunition to use against me. At the same time, it’s been good for me, because I’ve been forced to evaluate exactly why I signed up to do martial arts and why I am going to continue going regardless of how difficult I find it.

So, for the record: I need to do this. Yes, I have something to prove – not to the doubters, not to the other people in my club – to myself. If I quit now… because it’s hard, because it hurts, because it’s embarrassing when I show up the next day bruised, because other people think I should… what does that actually say about me? If I quit now, I will lose all self-respect for myself and I will always regret it.

On one of the martial arts boards I read, one of the posters talked about training “mental toughness” and that’s a concept that’s really resonating with me at the moment. I’m discovering that Martial Arts is as much of a mental discipline as a physical one and learning so much about myself in the process. If I do get attacked and get hit, then I will not curl up into a ball in shock at the pain, I will be able to react and (hopefully) react hard.

I’m not doing this for approval. I’m doing this for me.

It’s no good. I can’t do push-ups. I struggle to even do those girlie push-ups where you get to keep your knees on the ground.

This wouldn’t normally be an issue, I’d just avoid doing them – problem solved. However, my martial arts class last week included push-ups as part of the warm-up, plus some weird sit up thing where you have to lift your legs at the same time then slap your ankles (on a hard floor – I still have the blister on my back from that!). Needless to say, I was beyond pathetic.

Anyway, @tinyblob pointed me at the one hundred push-ups training program, so I’ve started on that in the last couple of days along with the two hundred sit-ups companion program for good measure.

I will not be defeated. I will rise above patheticness.

Current status: I still suck.

Why aren’t there more women in the martial arts?

I’ve mentioned learning Kung Fu to a few of my female friends recently, and their response has been overwhelmingly positive: “good for you”, “excellent”, and “wow, I’ve always wanted to do that” (surprisingly, this was the most frequent response). The lack of women in the sport doesn’t seem to be due to misconceptions or a negative view of martial arts among women, then (at least not in the tiny sample I spoke to). So what is the issue here?

While reading around the subject, I came across this article: On kickboxing, women’s aggression and self-defence. It talks about the subtle taboos in our society of viewing women as aggressive or violent, but most striking is the joy the author, Jessica Burton, finds in kickboxing. I recognised a lot of my own reasons for beginning a martial art in there, and was inspired by the rest.

I was also amazed at my body’s ability to respond to the demands the sport made on it. After three weeks, I no longer felt like I was about to die from exhaustion during class and after a year I had very well developed muscles all over my body. I was strong, fit and confident.

And this is one thing that I hadn’t anticipated: kickboxing made me enjoy my body as a sensuous and capable thing. Not only did I like being able to lift more shopping and open all my stiff jar lids, I realised I was allowed to enjoy my body, nurture it and its new demands (“Must have food! Now!”) and be proud of what I could physically achieve.

Makes it a thousand times more compelling than pilates, for me at least.

I’ve always assumed that the zonked spaced-out feeling I get with Nurofen Plus is one of the migraine effects that I get other than the pain.

Only, I feel like that now and there’s nothing wrong with my head – I’ve taken it to take the edge off muscle soreness from Wednesday night (even worse today than yesterday, ugh). That means it’s probably my body reacting weirdly to the codeine.

Oh well, something else to add to the list of things I’ve learned this week. Just goes to show that I don’t use painkillers that often to never have noticed before.

Being at a loose end without the escape of a book is a dangerous thing.

I decided to sign up for a martial arts course – first lesson was this evening. Akra Jr in particular was very excited and wanted to come too. He thinks I want to be a Panda, for some reason. He kept following me around waving his arms around and going “hi ya” type noises. Bless.

First lesson was a bit of an eye opener – it wasn’t going to be as easy as just waving my arms around and making threatening noises. I think I’ll be okay as long as my potential attacker stands still for a while so I can think through all the moves: “right, just stay there, that’s right. Now I’m going to push down on your arm and go for a palm strike, ‘k?”

There was only one other girl there, and she had been going to martial arts classes from the age of 3 so I felt particularly weedy. I was also paired up with a bodybuilder and possibly one of the toughest guys there. Fortunately a very nice and patient bloke who didn’t laugh at my pathetic attempts at co-ordination. In the interest of not building up fake confidence, he didn’t hold back (at least he said he didn’t) with the wrist holds – so I know I can get out of one now, regardless. However, can I just say …. OW!

Still, I’m going back again next week. Assuming I recover the use of my arms by then. Pass the Nurofen.

I’ve been having slight twinges in my right knee and ankle during exercise (and stupidly ignored them and carried on). I think it was due to bad form on some step lunges a couple of weeks ago, compounded by doing the same blend of cardio and strength training exercise daily while the kids are at home for the holidays (normally I would break up the routine by going cycling a few days in the week).

Anyway, I don’t think I’ve done too bad an injury – it’s uncomfortable but I can put full weight on the leg without problems and it doesn’t bother me while ambling about or going up and down stairs. It’s just frustrating to have to take time off when I’ve got such a good exercise habit going lately.

Any seasoned exercisers got advice on how long I should stay off any weight-bearing exercise for?

Most of the sites I’ve googled seem to refer to major strains and torn ligaments where you’re walking on crutches, so the guidance doesn’t seem appropriate. I was thinking of maybe just doing some upper body exercises for the rest of this week, then only cycling next week to give me chance to recover, but can’t work out if that’s being overcautious or over-optimistic.

Following on from Wednesday’s post about the Everyday Systems site, I wanted to mention the fantastic habit tracking system Reinhard’s developed: HabitCal.

It doesn’t matter what new behaviour you’re trying to introduce into your life (cutting out smoking, change of diet, reducing computer time), the simplest way of tracking how you are doing is to ask yourself each day: did I succeed, fail or was today exempt for some reason?

HabitCal tracks each of these states using the colour code of green for success, red for failure and yellow for exempt days. It’s easy to set up and you can update in seconds.

I’m finding its simplicity so useful. While I still feel I need to track something (it’s like being three years old and earning stickers all over again – there’s an incredible psychological urge not to slip up just so you don’t have to mark the entire day as a FAILURE), I’m also not over-tracking and ending up with a pile of irrelevant data.

For example, a list of the exact number of calories I ate every day for a month isn’t actually that useful if I end up not losing lost as much as I hoped. With HabitCal, though, I’m getting an immediate visual picture where I can see that Friday is a real problem day, or that there’s a huge bunch of reds the week I had a friend to stay.

You can use HabitCal to track anything you like, not just the systems outlined at Everyday Systems. One thing you do have to be aware of, though, is that your data is completely public. So don’t put anything on it that you wouldn’t want anyone else to know!

You can see my HabitCal tracker here. I’m currently tracking the No S Diet, Weekend Luddite, Glass Ceiling and Exercise (this last row is deliberately blank as it’s an established habit of mine so I’m only tracking failures). It’s currently a pleasant display of greens and yellows, but feel free to hassle me if any reds start appearing!

Following yesterday’s review, I’ve since found a great comparison review of the Wii Fit and My Fitness Coach games over at Wayrift.

It’s a very well written and comprehensive review. The author has obviously had similar issues to me with both games, but goes into more detail on how My Fitness Coach works. It’s worth taking a look at if you’re still deciding which fitness system to get.

In other news, I’ve finally unlocked a new location and new music! I’m making progress!