Back off holiday. The lounge looks like a small bomb has gone off. I have just finished cleaning the folding camper. I hate this bit of the holiday.

More frustratingly, I’ve lost my USB key drive which has all my passwords and important files on. I remember putting it away before going, thinking “here will be safe – no-one will think of looking in here if they break in”.

Unfortunately, it’s so safe that I can’t think of where it is either.

Arse.

I’ve been meaning to post this for a couple of days now, but somehow life got in the way.

The nice part of being in West Dorset is that you have easy access to Dorset, Devon and Somerset for your daytrips and we certainly took advantage of that – although the roads were slower than we are used to here (especially when stuck behind a line-painting lorry on a small windy B-road!). Here’s where we visited:

Barrington Court, Somerset

Barrington Court is a National Trust property near Ilminster in Somerset.

We didn’t actually see inside the house (we’ve learned the hard way that small children find historic properties rather dull and it becomes a battle of wills between parent and child to get through it with sanity and delicate precious objects intact) but the gardens were absolutely gorgeous.

There were formal gardens, orchards, an arboretum and lawn areas to explore.

If that wasn’t enough to keep you interested, there was a historic quiz with the questions hidden all around the grounds. Okay, so Akra Jr was a little young to know his English Kings and Queens for the quiz, but he did enjoy hunting for the questions and writing down the answers and it kept the two of them entertained running around hunting for the hidden signs while we enjoyed the scenery.

Pecorama, Beer, East Devon

If you have young children and are ever visiting the Devon coast, you must go and visit Pecorama.

Pecorama has five things that make it just magical for small children (and, I suspect, many children-at-heart!): a comprehensive model railway exhibition (Peco are the people who make railway modelling products) with some amazingly detailed scale models, a light railway that takes you for a half hour trip around the grounds, beautifully landscaped gardens, some well thought out play areas and an open air theatre with a show from a children’s entertainer.

I normally skip children’s entertainer shows, but we did stop by and watch Elfic the Jester to rest our legs, and he was just superb – all of us were thoroughly entertained.

And the best news? It only cost us £16 for all of us to get in (under-4s are free) and the face painting was completely free too. An absolute bargain.

Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre, Dorset

How I wish Monkey World had been as value for money. We’d actually planned to go and see the SeaLife Centre in Weymouth, but given that the car park charges were going to be around £5 before we’d even bought our entry tickets, we felt that was a bit of a rip off and drove straight past.

While wandering the campsite, loads of people had raved about Monkey World, so this seemed a great plan B, despite the fact it was raining. Given that it was a rescue centre and charity, we thought it’d would be fairly reasonably priced – but a family ticket for the four of us was £30. We paid our money (internally grumbling) and hoped that it would live up to expectations for that price.

Sadly, it didn’t.

My top tip is that if you do go to Monkey World, do not visit it during wet weather. All the monkeys were wisely sheltering indoors, while piles of wet and grumpy tourists crammed together to look through the minuscule windows into the indoor enclosure. The boys spent most of their time complaining that they couldn’t see and even the monkeys looked depressed. To be honest though, I’m not sure how much they would have seen even in good weather as the enclosures were large with lots of hiding space – great habitats, but not so good for monkey/ape watching.

Also, there didn’t seem to be much in the way of variety. There seemed to be several chimpanzee and mueller’s gibbon enclosures and not much else. It was quite a relief when we found the orang-utans to make a change. We left very quickly even though the rain had stopped, simply because we saw everything there was to see very quickly. Akra Jr seemed to prefer the gift shop anyway (more expense!).

Corfe Castle, Dorset

Corfe Castle is another National Trust property and this we were really looking forward to. Akra Jr in particular wanted to visit the dungeons (although, I wasn’t sure if there would be any) after reading lots of Famous Five books with Kirrin Castle in it.

Sadly, the property is undergoing a lot of renovation at the moment, with most of the interesting parts (i.e. the whole of the keep) blocked off for safety during the conservation work. Also there were no signs anywhere describing which part of the castle was which, so if you visit, make sure that you purchase a guide book otherwise it just becomes a pleasant view while strolling through a heap of stones.

Perhaps worth a revisit next year once the keep is reopened.

Cerne Abbas Giant, Dorset

We popped by to see this on the way back from something else and we were amazed at how popular it was – the tiny carpark at the viewing point was packed solid – the small icecream van at the location surely didn’t justify that?

When we took a look though, we suddenly realised why it was pulling the crowds – and no, it wasn’t just for the prospect of a 99 flake.

The Cerne Abbas Giant had been Simpsonized!

Against all the odds, we certainly picked the right week to go camping.

As our holiday drew nearer and nearer, I started to haunt the online weather sites – comparing one off against another, preferring to believe the one with the best forecast. In reality though, I didn’t hold out much hope – the webcam for our destination (the Golden Cap site on the West Dorset coast) was showing a gloomy, rain-soaked vista right up until the day before we were due to leave.

Our first night didn’t bode well with the first spots of rain starting before we’d even attempted to get the awning up. By the time our camp was finished, the rain was bucketing down, the awning groundsheet was just a sea of mud and we were running about two and a half hours late (for that, blame the M5). Dinner that night was scavenged at Dorchester’s Little Chef while I hoped that we wouldn’t return to a soggy camper without proper waterproofing (we didn’t, the waterproofing was fine).

Fortunately, the next day we woke to bright sunshine and all days except Thursday were dry and warm. Just as well, as the boys’ favourite activity by far was a late afternoon run round the beach followed by an ice cream.

The site itself had excellent facilities, with a shop opening long hours, tourist information room, clean toilets and shower block, and a laundry room (which, thanks to a couple of “accidents” we saw rather a lot of during our stay – still, at least we didn’t have as much washing to do once we got back home).

The staff were lovely and helpful – we were directed to the driest pitch available whereas normally it’s a free-for-all – and we often saw the little tractor zooming around the site to tend pitches and to help people tow off muddy ground.

The location also couldn’t be faulted – areas of interest in West Dorset, East Devon and South Somerset were all within easy reach, making it a great base for sightseeing.

However, the site did have a downside – it definitely had a much more commercial feel than say, Aberafon and the pitches were much more crammed in and less sympathetically arranged. The static caravans were given the best views of the bay, while the tourers pretty much just got to look at each other – a great shame when it was the seaside location we coveted most of all. I couldn’t even hear the sea from where we were at night when the site was quieter and for me, that’s the whole point of camping on the coast.

Also (and I appreciate this is going to sound really picky, and in no way in the remit of the site’s management) the sea off the Dorset coast just didn’t smell right. In North Wales, you get this lovely smell of rotting seaweed and brine (that’s nicer than it sounds!) whereas the sea at Golden Cap just didn’t smell of anything. You might as well not be standing by the sea at all – it’s a very odd, sanitized sort of feeling.

So, despite the much superior facilities and more convenient location, I think Aberafon wins hands down every time for me.

The family Naan have just come back from a week away in our new Pennine Pathfinder. Well, I say new… it’s a 2001 model, bought second-hand – but feels very new and luxurious compared to our old 1991 Conway Cruiser.

We now not only take a kitchen sink with us camping, but also an oven, a small washroom and proper sprung mattresses on the beds (and the front bed is a little bigger too).

We’ve also learned our lesson and bought one with a full awning – giving us much more wet weather space to play with.

So how did the maiden voyage go? Really well. It was really noticeable that this was a top of the range camper – being able to run hot water into the sink was something I wasn’t initially fussed about but did actually make a huge difference while living in it.

The beds were as comfortable as the ones at home – most mornings I woke up and then had to remember where I was. It’s slightly longer than the old cruiser (to fit in the washroom) and having that extra space did make it feel much less cramped when we were all inside (although having an awning to kick the kids into and have the table in for meals was a vast improvement).

The big disadvantage with this camper though, is that it won’t fit in our garage. Well, it will… we just can’t then open the internal door to the house once it’s in. So it’s going to have to live outside on our drive, losing us our only off-road parking space and blocking access to our garage. Oh well, you win some you lose some.

So where did we go on our camping trip? I’ll tell you all about that tomorrow.

In the meantime, anyone want to buy an old Cruiser?

Yes, yet ANOTHER weekend away – we’re finally getting the hang of this camping lark. Unfortunately, this was probably our last hoorah of the season, and the camper is sadly now packed away for the winter.

We picked a good campsite for our final outing, though. Christchurch is another Forestry Commission site linked to the excellent Bracelands we visited earlier in the year. As a result, we now have a new favourite.

Benefits to Christchurch is that it is a dog-free site (great for a dog phobic Akra Jr, and a fearless Li’l Bhaji whose idea of fun is to run up to dog, squeal loudly then run away just as the dog lunges), is much closer to the shop (there’s something extra special about strolling up for your fresh pain au chocolats for breakfast!), the same high standard of facilities as Bracelands and the on site children’s playground is superb. Added bonus that the Forest of Dean is very close to my mother’s house, so we all get to spend Sunday lunch with Nana!

Was a nice relaxing weekend and we lucked out with the weather. Was a bit nippier in the evenings than we were used to, but we cheated and brought a convection heater with us so ran that off the site’s electric after sundown.

Free entrance to Goodrich Castle (a great ruin, safe for the kids and plenty of information boards even if you don’t rent the audio tour or buy the guide book) making the most of the Heritage Open Day last Saturday, was pretty much the icing on the cake to a fabulous weekend.

Can’t complain for a total cost of £29.90, can you?!

A few places worth seeing and a few places not, should you find yourselves in the vicinity of North Wales with a 5 and 2 year old in tow.

You’ll note that National Trust properties feature a lot – this is because we’re members and because we prefer a free (well, okay … pre-paid) day out where there’s no pressure to enjoy it – if it’s boring, or the kids are playing up you can just leave without feeling that you ought to get your money’s worth first.

Penrhyn Castle

A fairly “recent” castle (built in the 19th century) built on the profits of slate mining and the import of Jamaican sugar. I have to say that if I had the money to build an absolutely HUMUNGOUS stately home, I would build it exactly like this one.

Plenty to do for all ages – we easily spent the entire day here, and even had we paid the entry price as non-members it would have been worth every penny. The tour of the house, takes around an hour (and I swear we must have only been shown around a tenth of the whole building), then there’s a steam train museum, various exhibitions, extensive gardens (walled and bog), adventure playground, and decent picnic provision. Even though it rained on and off throughout the day, we still had a fantastic time.

(Akra’s top tip: wear a baseball hat underneath your raincoat hood to keep rain off your face and glasses – much nicer).

Would revisit and still get a lot out of the return trip.

Anglesey Sea Zoo

Would that I could say this place was as good a value.

It was nice enough – it’s a large marine aquarium with lots for the kiddies to see, including crabs, a lobster hatchery, rays, sharks and seahorses.

My main quibble was that it cost just under £20 for the four of us and even though it was packed and moving slowly (so the boys got frustrated at being unable to see) we got through the lot in under an hour. Then everything outside (crazy golf, side-show style entertainments) was an extra cost.

Not good value for money and not recommended unless you desperately love fish and have money to burn.

Plas Newydd, Anglesey

Fortunately, just down the road from the Anglesey Sea Zoo is another National Trust property. We popped in as a way of not spending more money while killing a few hours before going back to camp, and ended up falling in love. If only we’d gone there first and been able to spend more time exploring the grounds.

The property itself is unusual, as the furnishings are more modern than many NT properties – with some of the rooms dressed in the period of 1930s. The dining room has a fabulous scenic mural painted from the artist’s imagination based on all the places he visited – I wish the children had slowed down a little there for me to have found out more of the backstory. There is also a collection of artifacts from the Battle of Waterloo, but to be fair we didn’t get to see much of that as the boys were desperate to get outside.

The grounds were magical and great fun to explore. There’s formal gardens, a woodland and marine walk, adventure trails with play areas and best of all, a tree house! We only left when Akra Jr and Li’l Bhaji couldn’t physically take another step.

Segontium

We just followed the brown NT signs for this one and didn’t quite know what to expect.

According to the members’ handbook, it’s a ruined Roman fort, and that it is – except the accompanying museum didn’t open until later, and without a proper leaflet or guide explaining what you’re looking at, you’d be forgiven for thinking it was just a few piles of stones laid out in an orderly manner.

Unsurprisingly we all got bored within seconds and went back to the car. Probably much more interesting without kids in tow.

Bodnant Garden

This promised to be really good. It’s billed as one of the top 20 tourist attractions in Wales (or could have been North Wales, I forget now), and as the kids always enjoy the gardens far more than the stately homes, we felt it was no loss to visit somewhere which was solely gardens. Acres and acres of gardens.

The first sign that all was not going to be as expected, was the large sign on entry that picnics were forbidden ANYWHERE within the grounds. This is most unusual – most NT properties seem to have a fairly lax attitude to where you choose to picnic, and even those that have designated areas have decent (and discrete) picnic tables. I have NEVER ever seen a litter problem at any NT site that allows this, even though bizarrely many of them forget to provide bins, relying on its visitors to take their rubbish home with them. To have a sign saying no picnics is deeply unwelcoming, especially to families with children who seem to need sustenance every 5 minutes or so.

The point where I lost all goodwill towards the place though was at the gate, where we discovered the only way to get a map of the extensive grounds was to pay for a £3 guide book. Normally, you get a small leaflet with a map of the premises as you enter the property, even if you don’t shell out for the (mostly useless when you get fast tours with children dragging on your arm) guide book.

Muttering darkly, we started to explore. Bodnant Garden is a set of Italianate terraces and formal lawns, with Woodlands and wild garden underneath this. Translated, that means a lot of steps, steep slopes and scary drops. We were not able to let go of Li’l Bhaji’s hand for a second.

When we got to the bottom (what a great place for a coffee shop THAT would have been!), the children were whiny and we were all not a little fed up, so we turned around and went back up (taking a few photos along the way, just to feel that we’d actually visited the place), past the craft shops, gift shop and garden centre they drag you through to get to the exit (by this point carrying Li’l Bhaji as the poor mite’s legs had completely given up), back to the car to eat our lunch vowing never to darken its doors again.

Would highly recommend NOT going to Bodnant Garden if you have small children.

As you may have guessed due to the distinct lack of updates on the Prattle over the last few days, we have been off on holiday.

Our second voyage in the Conway Cruiser, we chose to go for an extended four night visit to North Wales, with Akra Jr’s only criteria being that it had to be near a beach and our only criteria was to make sure we packed enough wine. I’m not sure that Li’l Bhaji expressed a preference either way.

Surprisingly (for fair weather campers who like our comfort and luxury) we decided to run the gaunlet of the bad weather, called its bluff and won… ish. We did question our sanity on the way up in the car as it was a torrential downpour, and Akra had to do the first part of setup dripping artistically while I tried to amuse the kids with Little Chef lollipops aquired earlier.

Then, about 15 minutes after arrival, the rain stopped, allowing us all to get out and have a wander and add the finishing touches – like a much needed windbreak, a luxury purchase that turned out to be a necessity after we realised shortly after arrival that camping by the sea meant very exposed and windy. Mostly, though, the rain fell at night (in rather fat blobs and accompanied by very blustery winds, but hey – who needs sleep when you’re on holiday, eh?) and on the Sunday we had a few downpours, but we carried on and enjoyed our daytrips regardless. The heavens opened again shortly after departure, washing the car of all the mud we’d aquired trying to get off-site.

Aberafon‘s facilities, we were quick to discover, were clean but very basic. The toilets closest to our pitch had no hot water, and you had to remember to bring your own loo roll, soap and a towel. The main amenity block was a walk away, but at least had warm water – and a charge of 20p for a 3-minute shower. We now realised that we’d been very spoiled with our previous trip to Bracelands.

Access to the site was down a very narrow and windy single-track lane – not too bad coming down, but you offered supplications to multiple pantheons that no-one expected you to reverse on the way back up. We also hadn’t quite appreciated what a private slipway on the property actually meant in reality; early evening saw the salty smell of the sea air replaced by burning boat fuel as engines were revved and boats cleaned before putting them into the sea, and young lads with ancient landrovers practising off-road rocky beach driving. Not quite the peaceful idyll we were expecting.

The view and location, however, eclipsed everything and made it all worth while. Aberafon Campsite is set at the base of a mountain, with Snowdonia a short journey by car away. There’s also something very primal about being by the sea, and even the early morning trudge to the toilet block was a magical experience as soon as you took a lungful of sea air and cast your eye on the low sunlight sparkling on the water.

The pitches are arranged very thoughtfully and with plenty of space. Aberafon had a much greater community feel to it than the larger commercial Bracelands site. We got to know our neighbours fairly swiftly, of both the human and animal kind – ducks, geese, (not so) wild rabbits, a chicken and a couple of goats also make Aberafon their home, much to the boys delight. We quickly relaxed into the slower pace of life, and after the shock of the first night, found the boating community to be friendly and interesting – it was actually great fun sitting back with a glass of wine and watching the ritual launching of the boats to make the most of the evening tides.

The four nights we were there weren’t perfect. Willful stubborn offspring and their willful stubborn parents (aka Akra Jr, Li’l Bhaji and us) pretty much wrecked one of our evenings, and the rain made a very muddy field interesting to tow out of at the end of our stay.

However, given the opportunity I’d be back at the Aberafon campsite in a heartbeat… whatever the weather.

So, does the environmental superiority of not taking an annual package tour holiday via a mega-polluting, DVT-inducing economy passenger jet (conveniently ignoring the real reason of exorbitant costs of term-time flights) outweigh the environmental deadly sin of buying a gas-guzzling, pedestrian-mowing 4×4 for towing out of boggy muddy fields necessitated by holidaying in the UK?

If I promise never EVER to take it on the school run, would you forgive me?

Given that we just had a hail storm here, and the weather for the weekend doesn’t look like it’s going to be much of an improvement… would it be a very foolish move to go camping?

Any wet weather entertainment suggestions?

… I’d never have believed it.

Akra has put in an incredible amount of hard work this week and finally cleared the hell hole that was our garage.

The Conway Cruiser (folding camper for those who haven’t been following my beginner camping adventures) JUST fits in through the door and takes up most of the garage, but at least I can now park my car in front of the garage again!

Now on to planning our next adventure…