I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that I’m suffering for the lack of geeky friends nearby: people who “get” what you mean when you slip Twitter, blogging, Jonathan Coulton or Mumsnet into the conversation; people who I have more in common with than just happen to have children of around the same age.
Don’t get me wrong, I have some lovely casual, “say hi and chat inconsequentially” type friendships and even some “occasional meal out and gossip” type friendships but when the chips are down or I need someone who thinks on the same wavelength, then it’s online friends that I turn to.
The problem is, most people don’t view virtual friends as “real” friends (whatever “real” might mean in this context). I disagree. It’s been in my mind today in particular after a petty playground snub which made me feel like a gawky, insecure 12-year-old again.
Then a particularly lovely friend who I speak to frequently on IM gave me a virtual pat on the back and the link to an article by Anna Pickard in the Guardian: Virtual people, real friends which is the most positive look at internet relationships that I’ve ever seen in the mainstream media. It sums up my feelings perfectly.
Call me naive, but far from being the bottomless repository of oddballs and potential serial killers, the internet is full of lively minded, like-minded engaging people – for the first time in history we’re lucky enough to choose friends not by location or luck, but pinpoint perfect friends by rounding up people with amazingly similar interests, matching politics, senses of humour, passionate feelings about the most infinitesimally tiny hobby communities. The friends I have now might be spread wide, geographically, but I’m closer to them than anyone I went to school with, by about a million miles.
Do read the whole article in full, it’s worth it.
It’s certainly made me re-evaluate what makes a friendship “real” and significant to me.
9 responses so far ↓
1 Sylvia // 9th Jan 2009 at 4:13 pm
That’s perfect and exactly how I feel, I just never had the words for it.
2 Lisa // 9th Jan 2009 at 5:34 pm
Aw. Blush!
3 Mis L // 9th Jan 2009 at 7:14 pm
I’m not trying to be funny, (ex-teacher etc) but the playground can be a particularly poisonous place for adults as well as children, I have even seen both age groups fighting there. Your choice of friends must be by interests etc. and good friends are positive about you, no matter where they are.
4 Chris Grayson - GigantiCo // 10th Jan 2009 at 2:06 am
Nicely said. I’m now reading the Guardian article. I came to your website after it was posted to Facebook by Reuben Steiger, CEO of Millions of Us.
http://www.millionsofus.com
5 GoodTwin // 12th Jan 2009 at 11:38 am
I have more friends now than I’ve ever had in my life. Two are very close and I meet up with them frequently and I’ve met lots of others. I don’t frequent twitter or face/space/books but I have a great online social life!
6 Ys // 12th Jan 2009 at 5:07 pm
I’ve always hated the term “real friend”. I don’t need to be seeing someone face-to-face every day to make them a “real” friend. I’ve had friends through the internet and through writing letters; I have a friend now who I meet up with once a month but we talk mainly via the ‘net; doesn’t mean we’re not “real” friends.
I think it’s only people who aren’t online who don’t understand it.
7 David Goodwin // 14th Jan 2009 at 10:56 am
On the subject of mumsnet, there is a Worcestershire meetup every so often (it seems to be an excuse for my other half to go out drinking or something).
I met my wife on IRC… :-)
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