I received an email from Friends Reunited today. Nothing of earth-shattering importance, just one of their monthly semi-personalised circulars used to remind you to check up on the site.
The first sentence is: “How do you compare?” and goes on to ask “Have you ever wondered how your life compares to your old friends? What type of jobs did everyone end up doing? Is everyone married? How happy are they?” and it’s made me think – how on earth do you compare lives?
Does that mean that someone is automatically more worthy than another because they ended up being a top barrister rather than a stand-up comic? Does your past acquaintances’ achievements really reflect on your life choices in any meaningful way other than to give you a short-lived ego boost (or a blow to confidence depending on perceived status)?
Of course, I do it too. I wouldn’t be subscribed to Friends Reunited otherwise now, would I? I imagine most people that visit the site have a usage ratio of around 20% catching up with old friends, 80% fulfilling their desire to be nosy (or maybe that’s just me) – but just because the kid who I always beat at science is now a top veterinary surgeon with her own practice, it doesn’t mean I’ve failed in any way. After all, is she happy? (probably, damnit).
But why do I care? I have no desire to be a veterinary surgeon, I’m allergic to fur and feathers for a start, yet I end up not filling in the little update slip for the Old Pupils’ Association each year just because my paper achievements look so drab next to all the high-flying go-getters from my school. Yet, I’m happy with my life, it’s going places at its own little pace, my two sons are amazing (in my eyes at least) and I get a lot of enjoyment day-to-day.
Of course, it’s in sites like Friends Reunited’s interest to deliberately stir up the green-eyed monster to gain more site traffic, where previously most people would have carried on quite merrily in complete blissful ignorance.
Right, must go. Want to see what my old work mates are now up to…
6 responses so far ↓
1 paula // 18th Jul 2006 at 11:03 pm
And I always wonder who is lying! Terrible I know but there you go, padding to make it sound better than it is.
Oh I am such a cynic.
But perhaps that is because my life is so plain and boring!
2 Pewari // 19th Jul 2006 at 6:46 am
Oh absolutely. Like you’re going to say on there “Actually, life is shit. My husband left me, the kids are brats and I’m living under the threat of redundancy.”
Shall we start a Cynic’s Anonymous?!
3 Jane // 19th Jul 2006 at 9:59 am
Someone once sent a cynical tongue-in-cheek (well, presumably tongue-in-cheek!) entry like that to my uni’s alumni magazine. It was a breath of fresh air, I tell you :-)
I was put off filling in the form for the alumni association when I saw the headings “posts on committees” and “chairmanships held” or some such. Don’t suppose I’d be much use to them in terms of networking and fundraising anyway, even if I were so inclined.
The Friends Reunited page for my old school just make me realize how childish certain people have remained. A while back it was full of fake “coming out” entries, followed by denials from the real characters. Um, yes.
4 GoodTwin // 19th Jul 2006 at 10:37 am
I registered with FR back when it first launched and I have heard from one or two people. None of the people I remember seem to have done anything outstanding, or perhaps it’s just that my own sense of self-worth is healthy, but whether you’re earning a fortune, have a high-flying career or just a dull job, as long as you’re happy what’s the diff?
5 zip // 19th Jul 2006 at 12:49 pm
FR for me is one of those sites I look at when I’m really bored. It’s nothing more than half -hearted nosiness on my behalf.
A few years ago I read the entry made by one of my old classmates and it’s the only one that stuck in my mind. She had a crap childhood, but I read that she is now doing really well for herself. She is a single mum with a disabled child living in a not so affluent part of the country now. It was the tone of her post that indicated her happiness with life as well as the lack of mention of salary/house/car etc.
Of course I am always happy to hear that people have succeeded in well earned careers, but I’m happier to hear that they are *happy*
My life could not be become better or worse by comparing it with someone elses. To compare is just daft.
Great post P!
6 Raised By Chaffinches // 19th Jul 2006 at 5:29 pm
I ducked out of F R when the wife of someone I hardly knew emailed me and asked me to help organise his birthday party.
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