I apologise to my readers who view this site via the RSS feed – you’ve probably noticed that the feed has been a bit loopy of late, serving some ancient posts mixed in with the newer ones. This is because I’ve been using the W3C Link Checker to go through and fix broken links (some having been created by upgrading to WordPress 2.0, some because referred websites have changed their site structure…). In particular, posts such as the Colic Resources entry still get a lot of hits and I want to make sure that the information is still current for any visitors.

The side effect of all this, is that as I re-save the post with the correct new URLs it then seems to tell the RSS feed that there’s new content. Which means it gets confused, and you get confused too (hell… I’m confused, why shouldn’t you be?!) With over 1000 entries to check over the next couple of weeks, you might still see the odd loopy blast-from-the-past. Sorry about that. It’s for the greater good, promise.

I see that calls for a total ban on smacking is in the news again. It’s an emotive issue (like most issues associated with parenting, for that matter) and as such I’m very much in two minds over a potential “No Smacking” bill.

Firstly, I should state that I dislike smacking. I find it’s generally an ineffective form of punishment and often used in the heat of the moment, further aggravating an already volatile situation. I don’t believe that ruling your children through fear (the old “give him a clip ’round the ear, that’ll sort him out” approach) is either a desirable or a healthy way to grow up. It teaches hypocrisy (on the one hand, you’re telling your children that hitting is wrong and unacceptable, on the other you are showing by your actions that hitting is an appropriate reaction to things not going your way). Actions, as they say, speak louder than words.

On the flip side, I have smacked. Not often – Akra Jr probably less than 10 times during his four and a half years of life, Li’l Bhaji only twice. I believe that there is a big difference between a considered one-off smack as a last resort natural consequence and what those of my parents generation would refer to as “a hiding” (but then I would say that, wouldn’t I?). I also believe that parents are human, and sometimes mess up. On those occasions, I have always apologised afterwards and explained why I was wrong. Probably half of those times with Akra Jr and both times with Li’l Bhaji I did the right thing in those particular circumstances: I was calm and it was the best possible response given the parenting skills I had at my disposal at the time. The longer I am a parent, the more I learn about better, more effective skills – but these skills aren’t magically imbued on the night you give birth to your firstborn, they’re learnt on the job.

I suppose what bugs me most about such a bill is the thought of otherwise good parents being criminalised over a weak moment or a rare carefully thought-through event. All parents have ‘L’ plates until the day they die – I don’t think we ever stop learning. Yet again, we’re in a situation where the parents who care are being targetted by law rather than the parents who couldn’t give a toss or the true violent abusers. We have so many laws already in place against very real child abuse – why are these not being used more effectively – in what way would an all-out smacking ban be any more effective?

For those who take the “this is an assault on children” viewpoint – do we take this law to the next logical conclusion? Will I get done for assault if I drag my child away from the direct path of a car, but in the process bruise his arm? Do we criminalise toddlers who bite in playgroups – obviously, if we’re extending rights to children based on the assault laws, isn’t a two year old biter or hitter just as guilty of assault? Does the kid who reacts back in natural consequence by walloping his attacker deserve similar prosecution? Of course not – this is something in parents’ jurisdiction to arbitrate on (albeit sometimes badly – but as I’ve mentioned before, we’re human too). Why do we expect the laws of parenting to be black and white, when so many parents can tell you that it was their first big wake up call to the myriad shades of grey?

What we need is greater promotion of positive parenting skills and better support for parents. Not another ill-thought through piece of legislation. However, if you’re really desperate to ban something – standing in the middle of Tescos hurling vile obscenities at your offspring … THAT I would like to see a law against…

This week’s tenant is Mystickal Incense & More Blog – proof that you can mix the personal with business after all.

First impressions of the blog is its colour scheme and design: warm, vibrant and busy. In fact, it appears to match the author very well, as Stephanie comes across as very warm, vibrant and busy too! I have to confess, that at first I had misgivings with the idea of product promotion mixed in with a personal blog – but was pleasantly surprised at the very occasional “ooo look, new stuff!” feel to the product updates (Stephanie makes candles, incense and bath products from home) – certainly not in your face, and if that’s not your thing you still get lots of good bloggy content to enjoy.

One of the most enjoyable aspects of this blog is Stephanie’s writing style. She’s a rambler. How she sorts out her posts into categories, I’ll never know because you can start on one subject and have diverged completely into another by the end of the post! It’s a lovely energetic style that just kept me smiling. She also has some SPECTACULAR rants, so don’t miss those. All in all, well worth a visit.

Zip and Nada has a great rant today about the shake up of the child support agency that’s well worth the read.

List of words (not all-inclusive, I may have forgotten some) that Li’l Bhaji can say (or say and sign) consistently (although people outside the family might need translation):

• Daddy
• more
• hat
• duck
• cat
• dog
• [Akra Jr's name]
• ‘nana (banana)
• backpack (thanks Dora)
• map (ditto)
• shoe
• ow (while doing the “hurt” sign)
• NO!
• fish/fishy
• gone
• doll
• bauble
• ball
• cuski
• book
• car
• change nappy (sign only)
• hot
• door
• bye
• ‘lo (hello)
• look
• “Q” (thank you)
• stop
• stuck
• teddy
• tickle
• choo choo
• boo
• gone
• ta (more in the “give it to me NOW” sense of the word “ta”)
• here y’are

List of very important words that he has yet to even attempt let alone master:

• yes
• Mummy

I’m going to go away and sulk now.

Just as we thought Li’l Bhaji was all better, we went in to check on him last night only to discover that he had thrown up, turned himself round to the other side of the cot and gone back to sleep again. To say the room reeked is an understatement.

So the washing machine is being well used again and Li’l Bhaji is back on a dairy free bland diet for the next couple of days to be on the safe side (as you can guess, he’s thrilled at that…) The room still reeks despite the mattress being carefully steam cleaned and treated with bicarbonate of soda (my usual trick for removing sick smells). Fortunately, it’s been a fairly mild day so the window has been open throughout to try and dissipate the smell. No success.

So I’ve ordered a replacement mattress because not only can I not live with the smell, I can’t live with the thought of all the germs and microbes it’s harbouring to keep that smell. Only this time I’m paying extra to get one with a washable protector/cover.

Such a shame he couldn’t have waited six months or so before ruining his mattress – he’s only got another 6 months or so use out of his cot… typical.

Then what you need is this excellent anti-telemarketing counterscript. Almost makes me regret signing up for the Telephone Preference Service (the UK’s Don’t Call list).

Almost, but not quite.

I’ve become addicted to Fish Tycoon – a sim game based around an aquarium and breeding fish. The best thing about it is that it doesn’t require huge amounts of time to play – you check on it every now and then but the game carries on in real time. Plus it’s rather soothing as a screen saver.

One of the nicer things about it though is that Akra Jr and Li’l Bhaji really look forward to me checking on my fish too – in fact they are responsible for Li’l Bhaji’s first ever sentence: “ishy bah bah” (fishy bye bye) with a kiss blown to them as a follow up (HEY! *I* don’t get kisses blown to *ME*!)

I find it interesting that if I say “there’s no such thing as monsters” at bedtime, he won’t believe me. However, if I tell him “we can’t afford any monsters, they’re FAR too expensive” he falls for it hook, line and sinker and goes to sleep peacefully…

Well, Akra is on the way to see my father-in-law right now. Apparently, father-in-law has been moved up to the hot list (meaning that he’ll get his triple bypass operation within 2 weeks rather than within 5 – as Akra said: more of a tepid list, really). He’s enjoying hospital food as it appears to be chips every day. So far he’s had chilli con carne and chips and deep fried fish and chips. This is on the heart ward. I’m thinking Jamie Oliver ought to be focussing on hospital cuisine for his next project…

Li’l Bhaji is very miserable and clingy. He wasn’t the world’s greatest fan of his mini-detox diet yesterday (great for stomach upsets – the BRAT diet – Bananas, boiled Rice, Apples and dry white Toast. Now bananas and toast he’s quite happy with, but we had a mini rebellion at the sight of the plain white rice at yesterday’s dinner. Then when the pureed apple came out of the fridge instead of a nice pot of his favourite yoghurt he had complete meltdown. It’s tough being ill when you’re old enough to know something’s not right, but not old enough to understand the adults are trying to help.

Today he’s on a less restrictive bland and dairy-free diet, but he’s still in rebellion mode. Dry cheerios aren’t his favourite breakfast item – they have to be so drenched in milk they stick like superglue to any available surface to be palatable apparently. And he wasn’t keen on the chicken rice I made him at lunchtime (refused to even try a mouthful, even though he’s liked it before – I suspect residual rice trauma from yesterday). He did however wolf down his banana and half my clementine (first fruit other than bananas he’s genuinely liked, in fact – minor miracle). I’m hoping that he’ll feel a bit better after his lunchtime nap.

In the meantime, there’s a new resident on the sofa. Akra Jr hasn’t been able to eat any lunch and is lying flaked out under his duvet watching telly and complaining of a stomach ache. I don’t think he’s faking for sympathy, as he even refused a yoghurt drink (he LOVES those). I’ve got the washing machine on permanently to pre-empt, just in case.

And me? Well I’m taking a heady cocktail of vitamin C, omega 3, echinacea and pro-biotics. I cannot get ill right now – I just can’t succumb to this bug. If you have any “stay healthy” spells, BW please direct them to the Naan household, please!