I’m feeling clucky again already.
Which is odd, because I still *have* a young baby. And I don’t really enjoy the baby stage.
Well, apart from the new baby smell. And the little peach fuzz that passes as hair at the back of their heads. And the cute little way they nuzzle against you and end up sucking vigorously on your arm because they missed. The little satisfied grunts and mews when you lie them on your lap to burp them. The complete surrender as they doze off safely in your arms.
Ahem.
Where was I?
Anyone would think I hadn’t survived a really rough pregnancy and had a colicky baby. Anyone would think I’m not looking forward to the relative freedom when they get a bit bigger and I can start thinking of “me” things again… writing, projects, proper reading…
Instead I’m finding myself wondering if I should keep the battered twice-used babygros that Li’l Bhaji is already growing out of just in case. I’m finding myself paying really close attention to what babyness entails so I never really forget. Taking the time to breathe in his scent just after he’s had a bath.
In many ways, I didn’t enjoy Akra Jr enough when he was a baby. I was too busy looking forward to the next stage, urging him on to bigger better things – the thought that when he was sitting/crawling/walking/talking it would be more fun, more interactive, easier. And I *did* really start to find Akra Jr a real joy when he was walking & talking, I’d started to relax more into the motherhood role and became more confident – I loved that he was more interactive, but also I think I missed out.
Actually, I think if I’m honest with myself I know this will be my last baby and that’s why I’m feeling clucky. A way of mourning for all the other babies I’m never going to have. As a result I don’t want to miss a heartbeat. Milestones can wait (well… apart from the first smile… I want him to do that REAL soon please).
6 responses so far ↓
1 Paula // 22nd Jun 2004 at 10:36 pm
Just wait Pewari until everyone, and I mean everyone, starts telling you what you really need now is a baby girl! Since my twin boys were tiny I have had this, even from total strangers in the street! Ah, if only it were that simple, eh?
I am seriously clucky, with the boys being 2 1/2, I loved the whole baby stage. It would be interesting to have just one and see what that is like but I have another 95% of having another set of twins or more, yikes. I think it is because I was greedy and had two at once that I would like another, and if I am honest and could choose it would be another two boys! Just don’t tell hubby who would love a “daddy’s little girl.”
When did you decide this would be your last?
2 Pewari // 23rd Jun 2004 at 8:04 am
Little boys are lovely, aren’t they? I would like another boy if I had another.
It’s not a definite decision, but my pregnancy complications are likely to repeat and be worse next time. 3 children means I’d have to drive a bigger car, we’d ideally want a bigger house for an extra bedroom, almost certainly wouldn’t be able to afford a private secondary school when they got to that stage (the local catchment area secondary is beyond dire which worries me somewhat), concerns about one child always feeling left out… Practically for our family, it’d be a lot better to stick with two.
Still, have a few years before we have to make a definite decision either way. I was the person who said I’d never ever no way have children ever after all!
3 Pewari // 23rd Jun 2004 at 8:08 am
Oh, and non-identical twins run in my family and are well overdue too! Just think, I go for “one more” just to “complete the family” and I end up with two for the price of one ;)
Eeep, 95% of having more multiples? That is a bit scary! Imagine having triplets after already having twins… *gulp* Sorry, I’m not supposed to be putting you off, am I?!
I think the question I need to ask myself is, do I want another baby or do I want another child? If I’m honest, I’d like lots more babies, but don’t really want the extra children, which is a fairly good indicator it’s probably best to stick with two for now at least ;)
4 wintermute // 23rd Jun 2004 at 8:56 am
I *told* you.
If I had a pound for every time you’d said you’d never have another kid (or a first one, come to that), I’d probably have almost a fiver by now.
Ah, well.
5 Jane // 23rd Jun 2004 at 9:08 am
Awwww! You sound a lot happier…
We’re gonna go for three, I think (not just yet though!!). We both come from families with three kids, so it seems like the norm I suppose. Actually, it’s just because I prefer sandpit and bucket to desk and pc :-)) I haven’t felt so fit in years(apart from the permanent exhaustion iyswim lol)
6 Miss L // 23rd Jun 2004 at 6:42 pm
Yes, instead of smelling the roses, smell the babies – enjoy every minute of it all, they grow so quickly.
The views expressed in these comments are not the views of the publisher. However, we believe in the rights of others to express their legitimate views and concerns. Any legitimate complaint emailed to pewari@may.be will be seriously considered and the post reviewed as desirable and necessary.
Leave a Comment