It’s come to my attention that someone recently came across this site with the following search term:

green shit pregnancy

In the interests of education and devotion to my readership, I feel it only fair to pass on this message to the woman in question:

Don’t worry, it’s normal, it’s due to the folic acid tablets. It’s just one of the many things that your body is going to do to emphasise that you are no longer in control or have any dignity remaining. Just don’t ask me what giving birth is like. I don’t want to scare you.

I’ll now return you to your normal scheduled programming…

There’s a saying which says something along the lines of you should never shop when you’re hungry. Well, I have a corollary to that: never get within 5 miles of a shop when you’re pregnant.

That’s because you’re hungry all the time. Plus, your sense of smell has been amplified about tenfold so all those seductive aromas draw you in to places you really shouldn’t be going.

Even the library had wafts of deliciousness today – the cafe upstairs had something delightfully savoury and tangy in the oven. Very unfair. Then I made the mistake of wandering into Marks & Spencer’s food hall, as you do. They have an absolutely gorgeous autumn range of food in at the moment. I could honestly have taken home one of everything (well, apart from the money factor) and eaten like a queen for a week – their selection is so appetizing. Then there’s the tempting tangs of freshly ground coffee drifting along the breeze from every cafe you pass on the street.

Taking Akra Jr to Tumbletots this afternoon was also fraught with missed culinary opportunities. Tescos were venting their usual baking smells as we walked past (okay, so it’s probably fake but even so, our stomachs were rumbling in unison) and the local chinese takeaway had something rich, garlicy and sinful permeating through the doorway.

Feed me.

Feed me now.

So, David Blaine has rather unspectacularly ended possibly the most boring stunt in recorded history. He must have been gutted that the Prime Minister chose the same day to be diagnosed with a heart problem, greedily taking over most of the news space. I’m trying very hard to be sympathetic to Mr Blaine, I really am…

… what an idiot!…

I write this entry with full knowledge that I’ll probably be labelled a kill-joy. That I’d be destroying a lot of people’s fun and that the majority of people use fireworks completely safely and sensibly. Well, I’m going to say it anyway.

It’s time to ban fireworks.

You have to have a license to own a gun in this country. If you were found with an explosive device you would be looking at serving jail time. Yet, every year, we freely give out explosives to anyone (technically over-18 – in practice not) who wants them for as little as 57p.

It’s only the 19th October – still a while to go to Diwali and Bonfire Night, yet already the news reports have started flooding in. In Liverpool yesterday, a car exploded because some fuckwit aimed a firework at it. Very fortunately no-one was hurt. On Friday, a 14 year old boy was caught throwing a firework onto a busy dual-carriage way forcing cars to break suddenly. Jag from Route79 has already blogged about exhibition class fireworks being used in too small gardens, crashing through his conservatory roof which could have caused a serious fire. In previous years, I’ve seen bangers thrown at pedestrians from moving cars. These are not uncommon events at this time of year.

Previously, I would have just shrugged my shoulders at the stats of more people getting injured by fireworks and thought “Darwinism at work” – but it’s NOT the idiots who use these fireworks irresponsibly getting injured, it’s the people they’re aiming them at. Even “safe” sparklers I’ve seen being used completely stupidly – handing a toddler a sparkler is the most ridiculously dangerous thing I’ve ever seen yet I’ve seen it frequently. People forget that sparklers can still burn and cause injuries. Would you let your toddler play with matches? A cigarette lighter? Then why is a sparkler okay?!!!

I’m only going to comment in passing the annoyance that fireworks going off at all times of the night, particularly considering the terror it brings to animals and small children.

It’s not as if over-the-counter fireworks are that impressive anyway. I’m sure most of us remember the one or two fireworks bought by our parents each November 5th … the excitement building up for the nights running up to it. Then the special night, they’re lit… you stand back…. and all you get is a pathetic whine and a tiny bang. Huge disappointment. A professional display is worth every penny in the safety and the wow-factor.

So, I believe it’s time to make fireworks only available to licensed displays. It’s time to stop louts and idiots getting their hands on cheap weapons every year. Go to a professional display instead.

Well, we knew the microwave was on its last legs, but today was the day it gave up completely and refused to operate at all (presumably the last bit of metal rotten through and the safety kicked out or something *gulp*).

So off we went, armed with recommendations (thank you all) and thanks to budget fortification from a wonderful mother-in-law managed to stretch to an all singing/all dancing combination microwave/grill/oven. Unfortunately, the Panasonics were completely out of our price range, but we did adhere to your 900W rule, Jag, and ended up with the Sharp R874SL (pictured below)

Unfortunately, it doesn’t appear to auto defrost except for certain food types, so I’m going to have to learn all the times which is a pain, but it does have just about every other feature we wanted with the added bonus of the oven/grill (as we’ve moved from a house with a rather nice double oven to one with a single oven I think it’ll get a lot of use and be more space efficient).

While wandering around every electrical store in Worcester, we also found (in the microwaves section) a rather glorious cut price toy for Akra Jr, so we got him a microwave too – much cheaper than ours at under a tenner! His is more fun than ours, so I’ll throw in a picture here for you too.

In other news, we had a chilli con carne for tea tonight. Akra Jr loves the kidney beans, picks them all out and eats them first. His name for them is “tickly beans” – how cute is that?!

I’m so absolutely knackered, keeping away is a real challenge today – thank goodness Akra Jr is at nursery this afternoon.

I’m supposed to be doing some cleaning and ticking off a few more things on the to do list, but all I’ve succeeded in doing so far is aimlessly surfed a few sites.

Can someone come over and cook dinner for me, please? Home made shepherds pie would go down a treat, followed by a cherry pie and custard. Thanks.

Update: I, of course, mean “keeping awake” and not “keeping away” … and there rests the case for the prosecution, yer honour…

A couple of days ago, Zoe of myboyfriendisatwat fame, blogged about the classic missing sock in the wash dilemma – the remaining sock given the affectionate name of “Fred”.

Well, here at Pewari’s Prattle, I can exclusively reveal where those tricky little bastards hide out.

A little while back one of Akra Jr’s favourite Thomas the Tank Engine socks mysteriously disappeared. Like many of our antisocial socks, it would congregate around the door seal getting nice and soggy, avoiding the draining cycle. During one overnight wash, seeing that it was unobserved it took the opportunity to escape by slipping down said door seal behind the drum. There it lurked getting nicely shredded, possibly luring other innocent socks to their doom.

Then a couple of days ago, bored of the secret areas of the washing machine, it decided to make a break for the wider world of the sewers, only it miscalculated badly by getting completely stuck in the one way valve attached to the end of the drainage hose.

The first we learned of his devious escape plan was when the washing machine point blank refused to drain any water away and we removed the sodden mass of minced fluff. We can only assume that had we not fitted the one way valve or if Fred’s partner had got himself more shredded before attempting his epic journey, he might have got away with it…

Ever wondered just how far you could go with morphing your signature when no-one seems to check the back of your card or ask for additional ID?

Never fear, the Internet has already answered the question for you…

You don’t generally see people publicly in full passionate embrace during daytime hours. There are plenty of PDAs (Public Displays of Affection) after pub closing times, this is true, but relatively unusual for the non-enebriated walking down the street type scenarios.

Which is why we did a double take this weekend when crossing a bridge over the M6 joining two sides of a service station. There was a couple in full tongues down throat position, locked together oblivious to their surroundings. Why there? It seems… an unusual choice of venue. Was that the only place in the service station which didn’t have security cameras? Was it less crowded up there? Were they on a secret tryst from opposite ends of the country, had parked their cars either side of the motorway and met in the middle?

We didn’t stop to ask. They looked a bit busy.

So, where is the most unusual place you’ve seen someone make out? Or perhaps you’ve had a long passionate snog in a bizarre location? Tell all… I’m feeling nosey.

I found an interesting Salon article today entitled “Americans are not going broke over lattes!” discussing the overconsumption myth – i.e. that the reason there is a spiralling amount of bankruptcy is a huge amount of people overspending. Admittedly, it’s very US biased, but I’m sure a lot of the survey results would apply to the UK’s debt problems.

The quote I found most interesting and alarming was:

I think that the reason that the story has been so tenacious is that we want to believe that it’s true. If the only people who get into real financial trouble are the overspenders, then those of us who buy in bulk at Costco, and wouldn’t dream of spending $200 on sneakers, surely we’re safe.